American Refugee; photo uncredited
I have received a request via the comments from a mother whose gay son, who is into music, is being bullied by non-gay people, and being verbally and otherwise abused by them. She wanted me to help.
First of all it is great that your son has such a supportive and loving mother and I know you will help your son to overcome this.
The best people to fight these bullies are yourselves. Face up to them and defeat them.
Bullies look for someone they perceive to be weaker than they are, to bully. Usually it is to cover up their own inadequacies. Usually bullies, if faced determinedly, turn out to be cowards not heroes.
So you need to be better prepared for them, and to build up your own strength and resolution. I would recommend the three Gets:
Get Involved. You can join an organisation such as PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and learn from other parents how your son can be supported. Your son can join gay organisations which will widen his circle of friends, his experience, and his confidence will grow.
Get organised. With Christmas coming up go and treat yourselves instead of the usual diary to a proper organiser. That will give you a tool you can both use for recording all kinds of information, from the contact details of people who can help to recording evidence and other information you find you need so it is always immediately to hand.
Get prepared. See if there are any courses that can help you gain confidence and strength. Do a skills audit and see if you have all the skills you need to deal with people – it might be correspondence or public speaking skills, for instance – and improve your skills. There’s a great section on this website which should have most of what you need.
If your son is already involved with organisations such as a music college, what are their diversity and bullying policies? If they are lacking, get to work; if they are missing, get to work and draft some and start campaigning to have them adopted and enforced. If they won’t listen find another organisation or college which will appreciate you and your son better.
The Lesbian and Gay Foundation has published some information about bullying on its website. There are some good points based on experience.
Other resources
The Lesbian and Gay Foundation
Ladies Home Journal – bullying of gay teenagers
Irish Times – the conflicting issues of fighting bullying and “promoting homosexuality” in schools
Page updated 18 May 2012
SP
